Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
