You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
