I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
