We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
