Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
