:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
