i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
