Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
