I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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