and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
