I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
