In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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