I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
