it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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