Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
