he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
