I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
