Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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