Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
