look no pants
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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