I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
