He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
