Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
