I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
