Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
