She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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