I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
