So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
