I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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