don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
