Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
