all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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