The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
