you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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