if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
