If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
