My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Boobs are out for the taking
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
