I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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