Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
