The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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