My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
