I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
