yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
