sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
