your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
