I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
