the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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