Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
