you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
