he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
