Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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