Your face is a jimmy john
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
