i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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