Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
