PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
