You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
