First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
