can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
