I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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