I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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