btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
